maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
