I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
