Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
