Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
