no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
