Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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