yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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