Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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