I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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