I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
