I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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