rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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