this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
