Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
