I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
