And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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