at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
