i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
