she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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