Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
