hell yes lets make some ravioli
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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