im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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