I showed him my bush... on skype.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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