white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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