If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
