Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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