apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
