After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
