Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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