That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize