So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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