your parents love me but you hate me
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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