i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
