Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
