how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
handjob tips. give me some.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
