grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
