Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize