So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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