Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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