people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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