ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
