Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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