How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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