I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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