Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
how drunk are you?
Several
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
