so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
