My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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