Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Be still, my beating vagina.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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