i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
