I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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