Betty ford says i'm here all night
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
