I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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