Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
