On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
be right there i have to get my cape
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
