hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
