Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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