Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
