I'm drive I can fine osifer
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
