y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
