we're chasing vodka with high fives
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
