The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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