im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
