i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
