I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
