Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
