This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
