She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
