69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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