i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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