shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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