Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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