If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
