That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Randomize