trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
