Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just blew my weed a kiss
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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