it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
