Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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