I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
