the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
