I just made out with a guy for $7.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
