I must be too annoying 4 u.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
