if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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