Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Oh god it's open bar.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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