she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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