I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
