I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
