Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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