Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
