I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Randomize
