i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just cropdusted the office
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
