if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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