Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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