I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
