I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
wat bout pragnant strippers??
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
