There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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