Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
