I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
