Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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