why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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