why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
