DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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