Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
