Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
