Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
