im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
