Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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