Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
worst night to have a conscience
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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