I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
