16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
