she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Quick, to the slutcave!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
