in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
