I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
