uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
