: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
