Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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