Too much gin, very little bucket
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize