It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
