awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
