you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
