What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
