His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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