well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
