we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize